Right…so I am sitting in my den watching a program and I hear my dog barking like crazy at the crazy banging on the front door. The wife answers and some guy in a poncho, who has backed away from the door about 15 feet at this point, begins some monologue. I can’t hear him too well because I have manned the battle station at the sofa table grasping the Smith and Wesson .38. Whatever he was saying, Beck didn’t like it because she turns to me and says, “honey, he wants to talk to you.” Nicely played dear.

So I go outside into the rain to see what this joker wants. I immediately notice I can’t see his right hand, so I extend mine to shake. Ok…this follows:

Poncho dude: (had been rambling on) So yeah I’ve been incarcerated.
Me: OK

Poncho dude: It was for crack cocaine. Not for sex offense. I couldn’t live next door to you if it was a sex offense.
Me: (trying to follow) OK and you don’t live…what can I do for you.

Poncho dude: Well I’m out now. (obviously) And I am trying to feed my family. I work at the local Publix and I can’t take no donations, can’t do that.
Me: OK (as if I was gonna offer one)

Poncho dude: So I’m in this program…
Me: …and what does your program have you doing?

Poncho dude: y’know just goin’ door to door, meeting people and talking to them.
Me: In the rain? At dinner time?

Poncho dude: It’s for the program.
Me: OK

Poncho dude: I’m an African American (as if I can’t see that) and I usually don’t get help from any African Americans.
Me: (WTF?) I can see that you are. I’m one too, and what kind of help?

Poncho dude: y’know for my program
Me: (WTF!!!!) the program? So how would you have me help you?

Poncho dude: (here is comes) I get points…
Me: Points?

Poncho dude: Yeah, from (wait for it) selling magazines…
Me: (moving to my front door) I already have all subscriptions I need.

Poncho dude: But you’d be helping me…
Me: (walking through front door) I don’t need anymore magazines.

Poncho dude: But don’t you want to help!?
Me: Don’t want what you’re selling.

Poncho dude: But what about God? Do you believe in God?
Me: (slams door!)

Recipe after the jump…

Pan Roasted Duck Breast with Blackberry Sauce
Adapted from Bon Appetit

INGREDIENTS:

3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons sugar
1/3 cup dry white wine
1/3 cup orange juice
2 tablespoons raspberry vinegar
2 cartons fresh blackberries
1 1/4 cups canned beef broth
1/2 cup chicken broth
2 tablespoons Cognac or brandy
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
4 5 to 6 ounce duck breast halves with skin

METHOD:

1. Melt 2 tablespoons butter in heavy large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add sugar; stir until sugar dissolves and mixture turns deep amber color, about 5 minutes. Add wine, orange juice and vinegar (mixture will bubble vigorously) and bring to boil, stirring to dissolve caramel. Add 1 1/2 cartons berries and both broths and boil until sauce thickens and is reduced to about 1 cup, stirring occasionally, about 25 minutes. Strain sauce through sieve into heavy small saucepan, pressing on berries with back of spoon. Mix in Cognac and maple syrup. Set sauce aside. (Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.)

2. Preheat oven to 400°F. Trim any excess fat from duck breasts. Cut three 4 inch long by 1/16 inch deep lengthwise slits in skin (not meat) of duck. Season duck with salt and pepper. Heat heavy large ovenproof skillet over high heat until hot. Add duck, skin side down, and sear until brown, about 5 minutes. Turn over; cook 3 minutes. Transfer skillet to oven; continue cooking to desired doneness, about 3 minutes for medium.

3. Meanwhile, bring sauce to simmer over low heat. Add remaining 1 tablespoon butter and whisk just until melted. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

4. Spoon sauce onto plates. Slice duck and place atop sauce. Garnish with additional berries.

Printable version can be found here.